Heres some funny definitions for your day.
ability
The virtue you are forced to use if your boss has no daughter.
adminisphere
The levels of management where big, impractical, and counterproductive decisions are made.
advertising
The art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need. (Will Rogers)
all new
Not compatible with earlier versions.
ambiguity
The lack of clarity in speech, or something like that.
applicating
The act of submitting applications.
argument
An exchange of words between people with diametrically opposed views, all of whom know that they are right. (Kevin Boddington)
blamestorming
A method of collectively finding one to blame for a mistake no one is willing to confess to. Often occurs in the form of a meeting of colleagues at work, gathered to decide who is to blame for a problem.
boss
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
cell phone
An electronic device for one-to-one communication and one-to-many irritation. (Chris Simmons)
circular reasoning
See reasoning, circular.
civil servant
Someone who isn’t civil and doesn’t serve.
class action
A stylish deed.
clicklexia
A disorder often suffered by novice computer users in which they have a tendency to double-click on items which only require one click, often resulting in two items opening instead of just one.
clone
1. An exact duplicate; "Our product is a clone of their product." 2. A shoddy, spurious copy; "Their product is a clone of our product."
committee
An entity that keeps minutes and loses hours.
comprehension
Something that one has to get in order to get it. (Dave Peters)
compromise
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
computer expert
Someone who has not read the instructions, but who will nevertheless feel qualified to install a program and, when it does not function correctly, pronounce it incompatible with the operating system. (Priscilla Mann)
computer
An electronic time-saving device that is commonly used for time-wasting activities. (Warwick Annear)
cooperate
Used of oneself, to enter into a constructive collaboration with another person. Used of someone else, to do exactly as one is told. (Gordon Burnside)
corporation
An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility. (Ambrose Bierce)
design
What you later regret not doing.
dictionary
The only place where success comes before work.
DIY
Damage-It-Yourself. (Mike Allen)
egosurfing
Typing your own name into google to see who’s talking about you.
experience
1. The ability to repeat one's mistakes with ever-increasing confidence. (Patrick Hoyte) 2. What you get when you don't get what you want.
FAQ
Frequently Avoided Questions. A company's attempt to answer commonly asked questions such as, "How do I get technical support?" (Guy Kawasaki)
feature
A hardware limitation, as described by a marketing representative.
flow chart
A graphic representation of a bowl of spaghetti.
freelance
To collect unemployment.
hardware
The parts of a computer which can be kicked.
inbox
A catch basin for everything you don't want to deal with, but are afraid to throw away.
initiative
Deliberately disobeying a destructive order from your manager and being right in the long run.
innumeracy
An ineptitude for mathematics which results in the fear of all sums. (Simon Stacey)
instruction manual
An explanation of how to use something written in a way that is easily understood only by the author. (Phil Smith)
jury
Twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer. (Robert Frost)
life insurance
term (coined by the greatest marketer of all time) for a plan that keeps you poor all your life so you can die rich
management consultant
Someone who tells you how to do improve doing something that he or she can't do at all. (Shankar Sivanandan)
management
The art of getting other people to do the work.
marketing
The art of selling a product that doesn't cost much to produce in such a way that people will take out a small loan to own it. (Jo Buckingham)
meeting
An assembly of people coming together to decide what person or department not represented in the room must solve a problem.
mouse
An input device designed to make computer errors easier to generate.
multislacking
Doing two or more useless activities simultaneously instead of working.
negotiate
To seek a meeting of the minds without the knocking together of heads.
outsourcery
The belief that all business problems can magically be solved by outsourcing.
password
Series of letters and numbers written on a post-it note and stuck on a monitor.
phonesia
The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer. (Rich Hall)
recursive
See recursive.
résumé
The closest many of us will ever come to perfection.
search engine
A program that enables computer users to locate information and advertisers to locate computer users. (Damien Whinnery)
self-employed
Jobless.
state of the art
Anything that you can’t afford.
strategy
A long-range plan whose merit cannot be evaluated until sometime after those creating it have left the organization.
tact
The art of getting your point across without stabbing someone with it.
telecrastination
The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.
television
A commercial delivery system.
timefoolery
Setting the alarm clock ahead of the real time in order to fool yourself into thinking you are not getting up so early. (Rich Hall)
unemployment office
A career placement service for humanities majors.
unfair competition
Selling more cheaply than we do.
Windows
The times between when companies innovate and when Microsoft incorporates. (Guy Kawasaki)
wisdom
Knowing what to do with what you know.