Have you heard of the Darwin Awards. These are the 2008 winners.
You've been waiting for them with baited breath, so without further ado, here are the 2008 Darwin awards.
Eighth Place In
Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water
after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to
retrieve his car keys..
Seventh Place A
49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally zoned when he ran,'
accidentally, jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.
Sixth Place While
at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from
the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom, when it
collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach
used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach
him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to
free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
Fifth Place Santiago Alvarado,
24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was
burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed
in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull
as he hit the floor.
Fourth Place Sylvester
Bridal, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he
would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and
pull the trigger.
Third Place After
stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a
man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the
store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was
standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber
announced a hold-up!, and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.
The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers
also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the
scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended
cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.
HONORABLE MENTION Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2:00 A.M.
so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see
what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was
closed.
RUNNER UP Kerry
Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said
they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the
middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10
men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at
the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a
bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and
pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable, lay near by. They secured
one end around Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His
fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at
the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.
AND THE WINNER IS.... Zoo keeper
Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal
laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the
plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated
Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil
enema when the relieved beast unloaded. The sheer force of the
elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr Riesfeldt to the ground
where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to
evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to be just one of
those freak accidents that proves... 'Shit happens'.
IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL
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