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The new priest was so nervous at his first Mass, he could hardly speak. Before his second appearance on the pulpit, he asked the Monsignor how he could relax. Monsignor said, "Next Sunday, it may help if you put some vodka in the
water pitcher. After a few sips, everything should go smoothly."
The next Sunday the new priest put the suggestion into pratice and was able to talk up a storm. He felt great. However, upon returning to the rectory, he found a note from the Monsignor.
1. The next time, sip rather than gulp.
2. There are 10 commendments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T"
5. The recommended grace before meals is not "Rub-a-dub-dub thanks for the grub-Yea God.
6. Do not refer to our savior, Jesus Christ and his Apostles as "J.C. and the boys."
7. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.
8. The Father, Son and the Holy Ghost are never referred to as "Big Daddy, Junior and the Spook."
9. It is always the Virgin Mary, never Mary with the Cherry.
10. Last, but not least, next Wednesday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pully contest at St. Taffy's.
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