People are talking behind my back, I can feel it. They are saying that my forum has become too serious. We can't have that, now can we?
Let's kick-off with an important piece of trivia...
It's possible to lead a cow upstairs, but not downstairs!
How many people knew that?
Two Australian aborigines, Billy Cokebottle, and his nephew, Morton, were driving through the Outback past Winton when they came across a pub. Morton said, "Hey Billy, let's call in for a couple of beers." Two and a half hours later, Morton decided he needed a leak, so went off to find the pub toilet. After 40 minutes, Billy became anxious so went looking for Morton. As he walked into the toilet, he spied Morton sitting in the corner. Billy said, "What's up mate, what's taking you so long?" Morton replied, "Every time I try to stand up, something grabs me by the balls and pulls me back down." Billy walked over for a closer look. He said, "Morton, you drongo, you're sitting on the mop bucket!"
A bloke went to see the psychiatrist. The receptionist asked him what the problem was. He said, "I'm invisible." So the receptionist went into the psychiatrists office and said, "There's a bloke outside who says he's invisible." The psychiatrist replied, "Okay, tell him I can't see him!"
Did you hear about the Irish hypochondriac? He wouldn't have sex until the swelling went down!
An Irishman applied for a job on a building site. The foreman asked him, "Name?" He replied, "Michael O'Shaugnessy." The foreman said, "How do you spell that?" The Irishman said, "Shove the job up your arse."
An Aussie businessman attended a sales convention in Berlin. Later on that evening he decided to visit a house of ill repute. After getting together with a young German lass he got dressed and headed for the door. She yelled after him, "Hey, what about my marks?" He yelled back, "Ten out of ten."
Three mates were out in a boat fishing at dawn one morning. One bloke said, "Hey, what sacrifices did you two have to make so your wives would let you come fishing?" One bloke said, "Well, I had to do the washing up for a whole week." The other bloke said, "I had to cook dinner every night." The third bloke said, "I had no problem at all, this morning at 4am I tapped her on the shoulder and said, "Sex or fishing?" She said, "Don't forget to take a jacket!"
Did you hear about the skeleton they found in a cupboard in Dublin? It was the Irish hide and seek champion!
What do you call a boomerang that won't come back? A stick!
What's the advantage in being married to a blonde? You can park in a handicapped zone!
A not so young lady went to the chemists to buy something to help her husband's failing libido. (By the way, they tell me impotence is on the rise.. lol) Anyway, the chemist said, "Has he tried the new blue pill, Viagra?" She said, "No, how do they work?" The chemist said, "Well, for me, a quarter of a tablet has me showing interest, a half a tablet takes the wrinkles out, and a whole tablet gets me fully erect." The lady said,"Can you get it over the counter?" The chemist replied, "Probably, but I'd need to take 5 pills at once."