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Peter Fogel

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EMERGENCY ROOMS USA - HUMOR
4/4/2009 1:36:12 AM
Hello Friends,

I know I have my Friday chuckle that I post every Friday but I received this in the mail today and had to share it with you.

Shalom,

Peter


HARD TO BELIEVE,?BUT THESE ARE ALL TRUE STORIES
FROM EMERGENCY ROOMS AROUND THE U.S.A :


FEMALE SOFA----- A 500 lb. woman from Illinois was examined
in a
hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under her armpit, a dime was found under one of her breasts and
a remote control
was found lodged between the folds of her vulva
eeewwwww.....?


PRICKLY PAIR-----OUCH! In Michigan , a man came into the ER with lacerations to his penis. He complained that his wife had "...a
rat in
her privates..." which bit him during sex (not the first conclusion I would have drawn, I don't think). After an examination of his wife,
it
was revealed that she had a surgical needle left inside her after a
recent hysterectomy.?


PING PONG ANYONE??----- A 20 year old man came into the ER with a stony mass in his rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend were fooling around with concrete mix, when his boyfriend had the idea of pouring the mix into his anus using a funnel (you'd do the same, I'm sure!)?!!. The concrete then hardened, (no sh*t Sherlock)! causing constipation and pain. Under general anesthesia, a perfect concrete cast of the man's rectum was removed along with a ping pong ball.
(Boy - we live sheltered lives!)?


BLIND DRUNK----- A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER
complaining of severe pain while trying to remove his contact lenses.
He said that they would come out halfway, but they always popped back in. A nurse tried to help using a suction pump, but without success.
Finally, a doctor examined him and discovered the man did not have his contact lenses in at all. He had been trying to rip out the membrane of his cornea.?
(Oh my gosh!)?
(is that nurse a dunce or what?? :) )


OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH! ----- A couple hobbled into a Washington State emergency room covered in bloody restaurant towels. The man had his hands around his abdomen and the woman had hers around her head.
They eventually explained to doctors that they had gone out that evening for a romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the table to administer oral sex to the man (Classy or what??).
While in the act, she had an epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp
down on the man's penis and wrench it from side to side. In agony and desperation, the man grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the
head until
she let go.?

And you thought YOU were having a bad day!!?
Peter Fogel
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Ana Maria Padurean

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Re: EMERGENCY ROOMS USA - HUMOR
4/4/2009 4:27:17 AM
Hello Peter :-)

... sometimes ... people can be very ... FUNNY!
Let me bring in here something that also might be called "a true story", and in accordance to the season:





With friendship,
Anamaria
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Peter Fogel

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Re: EMERGENCY ROOMS USA - HUMOR
4/4/2009 4:49:22 AM

Hi AnaMaria,

Yep, people cam be hilarious sometimes.

Your graphic is so cute and as you say true for the season. :)

Shalom,

Peter

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Phillip Black

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Re: EMERGENCY ROOMS USA - HUMOR
4/4/2009 5:56:04 PM

Hi Peter,

Once again, Thanks for the Grins and Giggles.  Since one of my favorite ex-wives worked as an ER Nurse for several years, I have heard many hard-to-believe stories.  Unfortunately, most can't be shared in mixed company.

There is a website which has quite a few of the tamer variety,  so here's a few I thought that you might like...

Just a few stories from our nations Emergency Rooms to prove that fact is stranger than fiction.

A 28-year old male was brought into the ER after an attempted suicide. The man had swallowed several nitroglycerin pills and a fifth of vodka. When asked about the bruises about his head and chest he said that they were from him ramming himself into the wall in an attempt to make the nitroglycerin explode.

A 50-year old woman came into the ER with a complaint of mild abdominal pain. During a pelvic exam the doctor found that the lady had inserted a whole chicken piece by piece into her vagina and then safety-pinned her labia shut. Unable to have children she was hoping that the chicken would turn into a baby.

A man in his mid-fifties did a Loraina Bobbit on himself in a drunken rage and ended up in the ER. The urologist thought that he could reattach the mans genitalia if it could be recovered and if it was in good condition. The police were dispatched to the man's house and the search was on. During the search one of the officers heard a choking sound coming from the man's poodle that was sitting in the corner. After a brief fight the officer was able to retrieve the man's jewels from the dog's mouth. After inspection of the parts by the urologist it was decided that the man would need to be taught to pee while sitting (if you know what I mean) The officer was given a commendation from his precinct for medical assistance. 

A doctor who spoke limited Spanish was rushed to a car in the ER parking lot to find a Spanish woman in the process of giving birth. Wanting to tell the woman to push he started yelling "Puta! Puta! Puta!" at this the grandmother started to cry and the baby's father had to be restrained. What the doctor should have been saying was "Puja!" (Push!) Instead he was saying "Whore! Whore! Whore!"

A 40-year old man and his wife were playing with some vegetables when a cucumber became lodged in his rectum. Unable to get it out on his own he showed up at the ER for some assistance. All he was given was some pain pills and KY jelly and told to wait and he would eventually poop it out. On his way out one of the nurses yelled "Come on back this afternoon. Were having a Butt-luck supper". (How embarrassing is that!) 

The most nonemergent ER visit: A male adolescent came in at 2 a.m. with a complaint of belly button lint.

A young female came to the ER with lower abdominal pain. During the exam and questioning the female denied being sexually active. The doctor gave her a pregnancy test anyway and it came back positive. The doctor went back to the young female's room.
Doctor: "The results of your pregnancy test came back positive. Are you sure you're not sexually active?"
Patient: "Sexually active? No, sir, I just lay there."
Doctor: "I see. Well, do you know who the father is?"
Patient: "No. Who?"

A 92-year old woman had a full cardiac arrest at home and was rushed to the hospital. After about thirty minutes of unsuccessful resuscitation attempts the old lady was pronounced dead. The doctor went to tell the lady's 78-year old daughter that her mother didn't make it. "Didn't make it? Where could they be? She left in the ambulance forty-five minutes ago!

(http://www.thehumorarchives.com)

Of course, most of my favorite Medical Jokes & Cartoons have to do with us Senior Citizens, so here's one of my all-time favorites...

Have A Terrific Weekend My Friend,

Phil

 

 

“There may be trouble all around, but I am calling you to a place of peace. Be still and know that I am God. Come to Me, and I will give you wisdom, strength, and grace for everything you face." Psalm 46:10
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Peter Fogel

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Re: EMERGENCY ROOMS USA - HUMOR
4/4/2009 7:51:39 PM

Hi Phil,

Thanks for the extra laughs. You gotta respect the ER staff for the great job they do and their dedication. You can't begrudge them the occasional laugh.

Here are a few I'm sure you'll enjoy.


 


 

I had a few more but the editor is acting up and and not accepting any new images for some reason. Hope the one above is visible.

Shalom,

Peter

Peter Fogel
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