Menu



error This forum is not active, and new posts may not be made in it.
1
Promote
Muriel Holladay

344
190 Posts
190
Invite Me as a Friend
Smile for the day.
8/27/2007 2:15:46 PM

 

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while
these exchanges were actually taking place.

 _____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you 
forgot?

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that 
morning?

WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan!

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do.

ATTORNEY: You do?

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his 
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a 
new attorney?

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Guess.

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?

WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead 
people?

WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like 
to rephrase that?

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an 
autopsy on him!

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?

_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a 
pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you 
began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, 
nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and 
practicing law.

+0
1


facebook
Like us on Facebook!