i REALLY THANK YOU WITH MY LOVE TO ALL OF MY NEW FRIENDS AND IF KEITH WAS NEAR AND UNDRRSTAND THE LOVE OF SO MANY PEOPLE ALSO god HE WOULD COME BACK TO HIS FAMILY AND GIVE UP THE DARKNESS BUT LIKE YOU SAID HE HAS TO MAKE THIS DECISION HIMSELF LOVE A MOTHER

Hi Trudy,

God Bless you!  This won't be easy - just remember it is the right thing to do.  You need to start living for YOU!

Blessings and my prayers are still with you and Keith.

Judy

Hi Sam and Trudy, I have re-visited this forum and delighted to see the change in this forum. It started out with people wanting to help Trudy with her request. Knowing that was a poor response, I did not post. Now things have changed. Trudy has hopefully seen that the only person she can change or help is herself. No amount of money, talk, pressure, etc. can make another person do what we want them to do. Years ago I read "Co-dependent" no more, not sure of the author, so I can't direct you to it. This book helped me to understand the principal of letting go. The addict will do what they want and you should do what you want in life. I speak from experience as my daughter of 40 is (was) a cocaine addict. She has lost her children, home, car, jobs by the galore, and most of all her pride and self-esteem. I say "was" as she has been clean for 3 months which is by no way a cure. At any moment she can walk back on the street and begin using. For me, at any moment I could become co-dependent again but this hopefully will not happen. Yes, I may slip and think I am rescueing her but hopefully I can remain strong and let her do what she is bent on doing.

Trudy, This story is for you. March of this year, I had laid plans to retire, had chosen 2 places to do voluntary work to begin at the end of April,as it was my chosen retirement date. My daughter had come to live me weighing probably 85 pounds. Veins were protruding in her arms and ribs had a thin layer of skin which made her look anaresic (sorry can't spell it----the eating disorder). On the way to a dinner out of town, I told the driver that I was feeling guilty for leaving my daughter while considering being gone for 8 weeks. I should be here to give her moral support (that would be----"make her do the right things") She reminded me that it was no assurance that she would stay off cocaine. Quickly I caught myself and agreeded. When I arrived home, she was gone. She remained away for 3 weeks and served some time in jail. I almost declined 8 weeks of adventure in Washington DC, and southern Michigan. The new friendships would never have been made. The volunteer work was rewarding and helpful to those I helped. I did what I wanted to do with my first retirement days which gave my new life meaning. Moral of the story: Make your own life and allow the addict chooses how to spend theirs.

Hi Mary,

Your story is not only for Trudy but everyone else. I won't even direct it to only those who are invloved directly or indirectly but everyone of us. There're not so many users in my country but the last statistics suggest we seems to be catching up fast with the rest of the user world. It is horrible.

Thank you for being so down to earth and posting your personal experience for all of us to learn from.

Regards.