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Dee
Dee Hudson

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HAPPY ST PADDYS DAY
3/17/2006 12:14:22 PM
To all My Friends out there HAPPY ST PADDYS DAY =========================================== An Irishman who had a little to much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "where have you been?" "Why, I've been to the pub of course" slurs the drunk. "Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening". "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile. "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?" "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf." =========================================== May you always have Walls for the winds, A roof for the rain, Tea beside the fire, Laughter to cheer you, Those you love near you, And all your heart might desire! =========================================== May you be in Heaven a half hour before the Devil knows you're dead! =========================================== When Irish eyes are smiling, Tis like a morn in spring. With a lilt of Irish laughter You can hear the angels sing When Irish hearts are happy All the world is bright and gay When Irish eyes are smiling Sure, they steal your heart away. =========================================== May your blessings outnumber The shamrocks that grow, And may trouble avoid you Wherever you go. =========================================== There are many good reasons for drinking, One has just entered my head. If a man doesn't drink when he's living, How in the hell can he drink when he's dead? =========================================== May the best day of your past Be the worst day of your future. =========================================== I'm looking over a four leaf clover That I overlooked before One leaf is sunshine, the second is rain, Third is the roses that grow in the lane. No need explaining the one remaining Is somebody I adore. I'm looking over a four leaf clover That I overlooked before. =========================================== May you live to be a hundred years With one extra year to repent. =========================================== May those who love us, love us And those who don't love us, May God turn their hearts And if he can't turn their hearts, May he turn their ankles So we will know them by their limping! =========================================== As you slide down the banister of life, May the splinters never point in the wrong direction! =========================================== May luck be our companion May friends stand by our side May history remind us all Of Ireland's faith and pride. May God bless us with happiness May love and faith abide. =========================================== Leprechauns, castles, good luck and laughter Lullabies, dreams, and love ever after. Poems and songs with pipes and drums A thousand welcomes when anyone comes. That's the Irish for you! =========================================== There's a dear little plant that grows in our isle, 'Twas St. Patrick himself, sure, that sets it; And the sun of his labor with pleasure did smile, And with dew from his eye often wet it. It grows through the bog, through the brake, through the mireland, And they call it the dear little Shamrock of Ireland. =========================================== May your neighbors respect you, Troubles neglect you, The angels protect you, And Heaven accept you. =========================================== May you have: A world of wishes at your command God and his angels close at hand Friends and family their love impart, And Irish blessings in you heart. =========================================== May God grant you many years to live, For sure he must be knowing The earth has angels all to few And Heaven is overflowing. =========================================== These things I warmly wish to you- Someone to love Some work to do A bit o' sun A bit o' cheer And a guardian angel always near. =========================================== Here's to a long life and a merry one A quick death and an easy one A pretty girl and an honest one A cold beer and another one! =========================================== May your pockets be heavy and your heart be light, May good luck pursue you each morning and night, =========================================== O Ireland isn't it grand you look like a bride in her rich adornin? And with all the pent up love of my heart I bid you the top o' the mornin! =========================================== Ya gotta love the Irish!!! Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp. "What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender. "Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy. "That little crapper, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand." "That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it." "Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?" "That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight." ============================================ Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Shamus, were stumbling home from the pub late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard. "Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "It's Michael O'Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87." "That's nothing", says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Tool, it says here that he was 95 when he died." Just then, Shamus yells out, "Good God, here's a fella that got to be 145!" "What was his name?" asks Paddy? Shamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles, from Dublin." =========================================== Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya." "Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?" "That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..." "Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me.." "I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry." Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?" "It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned." "Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?" "Well, no Brenda... no. Fact is, he got out three times to pee." ============================================ Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?" She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night." The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?" She says, "That he did, Father.." The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?" She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun...' May you all find the end of the Rainbow. cos theres a Leprechaun at the end of it Dee...
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Mairead Ni Maonaigh

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Re: HAPPY ST PADDYS DAY
3/17/2006 2:48:17 PM
Hi Dee, That's a great collection of Irish sayings and jokes.. a few I haven't heard before. Here's something I think you'll enjoy http://message.myvideowebstream.com/view/?id=P1N6FTS1D3UI8SIZED3Y Have a great day Mairead
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Barbara Delgiudice

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Re: HAPPY ST PADDYS DAY
3/17/2006 3:12:07 PM
Happy St. Patrick's Day to you Dee and Everyone Else Too :) Barb
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