| The Paper clips
by Branka Ba bić Recently I have had a very interesting dream.
It was a journey over my life from such an unexpected perspective.
The first few scenes were from the stage of my childhood.
I was curious, naughty, tsunamic, disobedient,
and my parents were strict, over-employed, and impatient.
Wrathful words, kicks, and a different ways of punishment, were my daily bread.
But the lesson of the dream was not "packed" into self-pity.
Each time when I sensed guilt for making my parents angry,
a painful line of that guilt was being broken by the drumming sounds,
and invisible girl's words:
"REMEMBER , not a GUILT BUT A PAPERCLIP!"
Next scenes were related to my sister's and my relationship.
It was more like a greater likeness -
between an eye and foot than between the two of us.
Sis was younger, a true, fascinating smart brat.
Her tricks and sprinkling ashes were just bravura!
But whenever her huge jealousy on me could not remain disguised,
my shock and sorrow again was being substituted by the drumming tact,
and again by that hidden girl's words:
" REMEMBER, not JEALOUSY BUT A PAPERCLIP."
On next stage,
one poet with whom I lived for several years
was pouring oceans of love, tenderness and admiration over me.
This time the flute had jumped in,
announcing again the same girl, who said:
"REMEMBER, not LOVE BUT A PAPERCLIP".
The years of huge riches and then - eons of ultimate misery ....
My time in jail, all years during the war ..
Most important moments with Luka,
with all men that I succeeded to avoid,
and with the few of them that I could not avoid ....
as well as my sister's funeral,
then my dad's last moments and passing away ...
and then, OMG - all the same,
just now from perspective of each of my partners in the different scenes.
I was literally fascinated!
Whenever I wished to share the guilt with anyone of them,
I already knew:
NOT GUILT ... BUT A PAPERCLIP!
And whenever I offered a favor to anyone,
I knew: not a favor BUT A PAPERCLIP!
And finally, the last scene.
The two of us alone: My Death and I.
Beautiful I, beautiful her!
My chests - like burning in flame.
So huge the love that awakened,
I had never felt before.
She wanted to scare me, saying:
"AND NOW - YOU and I”
But I was not in a mood to compete.
Looking at her - a black dressed skull
I told her:
“REMEMBER, not MY LIFE BUT THE PAPERCLIP"
putting in her hand all the paperclips,
which had remained with me.
As many as I gathered,
as many as I shared ...
and what remained was still enough
to be given away to her,
instead of my life.
I was then awakened in a deep, deep serenity.
I alone and myself..
What a superb experience!
Ahhh! I remembered,
“NOT EXPERIENCE BUT A PAPERCLIP”
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REVIEW by NEIL SPERLINGS
Thank You S am for this AOV forum. It is unique and enlightening. The variety of people and the wisdom that is inspired through this work is amazing. When Branka asked me if I would write the review on this paperclip story I was deeply honored. I have known, appreciated and respected Branka for many years and over the last year or so I have worked closer to her, studying her work and shared much beauty in time. I have grown to Love Branka, in deep, ineffable ways. Always striving to “BE” all she can be, Branka now shares with us a very deep and meaningful story using paperclips. This story has a depth that leads the reader to the deepest connection to who we are. We are GOD(s). Branka shares that, in order to get to that deep connection with ourselves, we have to let go of the paperclips that seem to bind us to illusions, or chains that hold us back. It may seem obvious to some that both guilt and jealousy hinder our true nature, but even love being poured out to us from another human, can be a paperclip that traps our reality into what is limited. Said another way - Guilt obviously stops us from loving who we are! Jealousy too stops us from loving who we are. Both guilt and jealousy are easier to see as barriers to loving our self, but as Branka points out, relying on the love from another takes us away from being the love for ourselves that we truly are. Each of these paperclips are crutches that hold us back from meeting our true self. As Branka placed all the paperclips into the hand of death, she surrendered all attachments to her Psyche. She was now alone with only herself. Her Psyche now dead. With the paperclips of the world, all let go of, she was now alone with only HERSELF. LOVE! An experience all of us can have. “SO HUGE LOVE” now awakened! How beautiful and powerful the experience. Wait – “realizing the experience” is itself a paperclip. “BE.” Thank You Branka for being fearless, and choosing to BE all you are.--Neil Sperling
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