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Re: Duel Diagnosis. Mental Illness And Substance Abuse/Addiction
11/20/2006 11:53:31 PM

Hey there, thought i should post a bit more, but as you know from the other post in my introduction(IF you read it) I have suffered from addictions, but substance abuse, physical abuse, and cutting.

I'll start with phychical becuase that is where it all started. Growing up my sisters and i would fight because my paretns fought and that's all we knew how to solve a problem. This may make my family seem worse then it was, but really when it came down to it we all loved/love eachother. Now more than ever. Well, My sisters would beat me up. I used to fight back with my younger sister, especially after being chassed with a knife, but i gave up. I felt like i deserved it for some reason since i was beat up alot by bother my sisters. I was also highly teased in school for how "ugly" I was, and at a young age it gets to you. I had very low self esteem. When I was 16, I became OCD. I always scratched myself out of nervousness and was very anxious about being around anyone. If some one rasied there hand I would flitch. In school it was hard to avoid. I realized once i bled that it felt good. So I resulted to cutting myself. Ironically, it felt good. It realease somed mental pain, and gave reason for it. Evtually it wouldn't work and so I would still my mothers vicodin pills. It took until this year to stop abusing drugs. I became addicted to Ambien just two years after getting over vicodin. I haven't cut since march, and of course haven't been beaten up since i moved out of my house when i was 18.

Most people don't understand cutting or even know what it is, so below is an article on it.

Self-Abuse: A Cutting-Edge Addiction?


Colleen Rush

"You have so much pain inside yourself that you try to hurt yourself on the outside."

The late Princess Diana's words shocked the world four years ago when she admitted in a television interview that she intentionally cut her arms and legs. At last, self-injury-the practice of deliberately cutting, burning, scratching or otherwise destroying body tissue-was out of the closet.

Since then, mental health experts and authors who've examined the phenomenon have called the condition everything from "the addiction of the '90s" to a widespread epidemic. With an estimated 2 million sufferers in the United States alone and more seeking treatment than ever before, doctors are finally beginning to unravel the mystery of self-abuse. The majority of self-injurers are white females, and they're likely to suffer from other compulsive disorders, such as eating disorders or alcoholism. "Most begin self-abusing during puberty, a chaotic, confusing time when emotions run high and self-esteem runs low," says Karen Conterio, administrative director of SAFE Alternatives in Berwyn, IL, the only inpatient treatment center exclusively for self-injurers in the United States.

To many, what's puzzling about self-abuse is the contradiction: Self-injurers hurt themselves in order to feel better. Experts say that when people who self-abuse become emotionally overwhelmed, a self-inflicted injury breaks the tension, allowing them to focus on something other than the emotion they're feeling. "It's a coping technique they develop early in childhood," says Wendy Lader, Ph.D., clinical director of SAFE Alternatives and, along with Conterio, co-author of Bodily Harm: The Breakthrough Healing Program for Self-Injurers (Hyperion, 1998). Somewhere along the way, self-abusers are taught that certain emotions, such as anger, sadness or fear, are wrong or bad, so they stifle their feelings. Without an outlet for expressing those emotions, they turn to self-abuse as a release or to punish themselves for having those feelings. For some, the physical pain immediately dulls overwhelming emotions. For others, a deliberate cut or burn summons the sense of being alive. They say the feeling of pain is a welcome change from feeling numb and empty.

Many experts, including Lader, say such injuries may cause the release of endorphins, the body's naturally occurring opiates. Much like a trauma victim, self-abusers experience a kind of physiological shock response to highly emotional situations, and self-injury is the most immediate means of relief. Like any addictive behavior, over time, most sufferers hurt themselves more often and more severely to achieve the same sense of relief. At the same time, a cycle of shame and self-hatred begins. Sufferers feel guilty for having the urge to self-injure, but they're compelled to hurt themselves to relieve those intense emotions, which leads to more guilt and shame for being unable to control the urge. "There's a drive behind self-injury. People who self-injure feel the need to do it more and more in order to handle uncomfortable, intense emotions," says Lader.

A big part of the treatment process at SAFE Alternatives is "unlearning" those coping skills by keeping an impulse-control log, a journal of sorts for self-abusers to work through the urge to injure themselves. "We teach them that the urge to self-injure is a clue that they're avoiding something bigger-an emotion, a feeling, a fear," says Lader. "If they can identify the emotion and face it by feeling, talking or writing about it, they're less likely to act on that impulse to hurt themselves."

Signs of a self-injurer:

  • Wearing long-sleeves or pants in warm weather
  • Explaining frequent minor injuries as accidents or cat scratches
  • Withdrawn, depressed behavior
  • Inability to express emotions
  • Difficulty handling intense feelings

Answer true or false to the following questions to find out if you're suffering from self-abuse:

  • I often obsess about self-injury.
  • I sometimes can't explain where my injuries come from.
  • I get anxious when my wounds start to heal.
  • I often believe that if I don't self-injure, I'll go crazy.
  • No one can hurt me more than I can hurt myself.
  • I can't imagine life without self-injury.
  • If I stop self-injuring, my parents win.
  • I often self-injure as a way to punish myself.
  • I often self-injure to show others how I feel.
  • I often believe that if I don't self-injure I'll explode.
  • I almost always carry something with me that I can use to self-harm.

-Source: Bodily Harm: The Breakthrough Healing Program for Self-Injurers (Hyperion, 1999).


SAFE Alternatives Program
(800) DONT CUT (366-8288)

The Cutting Edge, a self


My life was centered around when i could take a pill or when i could cut. Many times I had no appitite and evne though i played sports i wouldn't have had anything to eat. Even now, I believe it is becuase of my meds, I don't have much of an appetite, but force myself to eat becuase frankily i love food, but still have issues eating.


Re: Duel Diagnosis. Mental Illness And Substance Abuse/Addiction
11/21/2006 10:06:16 AM

Hello Christina

   For one so young, you have certainly been through a lot. Are you OK right now? Are you struggling with any thoughts of harming yourself in any way? I hope you are doing well but if you aren't, please get a hold of Ally or myself before you do anything to hurt yourself OK?

   You talk a little about your childhood and all of the fighting that went on then. At the same time though, you mentioned that you all really loved each other. As we all know, love comes in many forms and each of us has our own interpretation of what love really is. In the case of the women who have been abused in their relationships, when asked the question " why did you stay so long in a relationship where you were being abused "? By far, the most common answer was " because I loved him ".

   I believe that it is a very powerful human instinct to want to be loved. I also believe that if one is not truly being loved, they will make themselves believe that what they are experiencng is love. Whatever it might be.In other words, if the love I feel doesn't match the definition of what love is, I will change that definition to match what i feel. I am not saying that there wasn't love in your family. I am just saying that perhaps your definition of love had to be altered somewhat so that you  could percieve yourself as being a member of a loving family. Most likely, the other members of your family had to do the same thing so that they too could experience love. Something that happens all of the time is that the way a family percieves love has been passed down through the generations. Our parents can only teach us what they have been taught by their parents. We will most likely teach our children what we have been taught by our parents. This is why it is important for us to learn all that we can about life and survival. Without aquiring more and better knowledge than what has been passed down to us, we will continue the cycle. Poor families usually remain poor. Rich families usually remain rich. If we are ever going to be able to break out of the negative cycles that we have been born into, we have to learn a better way of life from sources outside of our comfort zones. If we never walk across the street, we will never know what is on the other side.

   Christina, I truly hope that things do work out well for you. You are a very loving and caring young lady and you deserve to be loved and cared about in return. I hope that you will continue sharing your thoughts and feelings with us here. For many of us, there seems to be no one else to talk with who understands us. Sometimes, people find friends in these forums that they might not have ever found anywhere else. There are people reading your words here and in time, you will find that someone has been able to relate to you in a special kind of way and they will want to talk with you. I have always found that once people find others with similar circumstances and who understand each others lives and dreams, they will begin to explore new ways of experiencing life together. It really is a wonderful feeling, knowing that you are not all alone this world. Take care Christina and I truly hope that one day you find all of the happiness that you deserve.

May a smile follow you to sleep each night,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
           and be there waiting,,, when you awaken.
Sincerly, Bill Vanderbilt
Mental Health And Political Forums Respectively
Visit the Billallys Pub network at:
This is my best source for multiple streams of income. No Spam. No Scam


May a smile follow you to sleep each night and,,,,,be there waiting,,,,,when you awaken Sincerely, Billdaddy
Georgios Paraskevopoulos

5965 Posts
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Re: Duel Diagnosis. Mental Illness And Substance Abuse/Addiction
11/21/2006 11:50:55 AM
Hello William

Thank you for the invitation. This is a dedication to your Forum and Christina.
Next I wil do is to invite her to be friends. Sometimes, like this moment I am out of words. A so young girl. Christina could be my daughter.

I have a book here and I will copy a poem that I will also post in my forum as a spotlight to send her new friends.

Love, Love, Love - What is Love?

It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return,
but what is more painful is to love someone and
never find the courage to let that person know how you feel.

A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you
and only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be
and you just have to let go.

Never say goodbye if you still want to try
Never give up if you still feel you can go on
Never say you don't love a person anymore if you can't let go.

Don't go for looks, they can deceive.
Don't go for wealth; even that fades away.
Go for someone who makes you smile
because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.
Hope you find the one that makes you smile.

It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone,
an hour to like someone
and a day to love someone,
but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it,
but it's true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

Love is when you take away the feeling, the passion, and the romance
in a relationship and find out you still care for that person.

A careless word may kindle strife; a cruel word may wreck a life;
a timely word may level stress; a loving word may heal and bless.

Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.

When you were born,
you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.
Live your life so that when you die,
you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

This is a translation from Language Hmong
Writer anonymous

Warm Regards
ETERNAL WISDOM-Know ThySelf, PHILOXENIA MetaCafe, Adlanders In Facebook
Re: Duel Diagnosis. Mental Illness And Substance Abuse/Addiction
11/21/2006 6:45:10 PM

Oh, hello Bill. You and Ally don't have to worry. I haven't cut since March, and evne when i do have those bad thoughts(which come quite often) I just scream. kind of like a "GRRRRR", not a"omg someones attacking me scream." Or I beat the crud out of a pillow. Self talk works sometimes, Though i have been a bit bad about the pills two or three days ago :( But i'm better for now. I just was so down and I knew people cared and loved for me, but i needed to escape my mental pain and turn off my mind and well, i took a bit over my ussual doasge of medication.

since i have embraced writing and photgraphy i have found alot of reaease in that, only alot of the times it doesn't work.

I'll be fine, holidays are coming. Going to suck becuase my dad won't be here and will be totally odd having my mothers boyfirend there, but hey, I got family.

See, it seems since i have moved out that my family and I and my sisters get along much better.


Re: Duel Diagnosis. Mental Illness And Substance Abuse/Addiction
1/7/2007 11:05:51 PM
Hello Georgios I am sorry. I thought I had replied to your post here a long time ago. Sometimes I forget to hit post and it gets away from me LOL You are a very kind and understanding man Georgios and you are always welcome in my forums. take care my Friend. May a smile follow you to sleep each night,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, and be there waiting,,, when you awaken. Sincerly, Bill Vanderbilt Mental Health And Political Forums Respectively Visit the Billallys Pub network at: The following link is to a program that has been highly recommended to me by people that i know and trust. I have been unable to find anything negative about this company.
May a smile follow you to sleep each night and,,,,,be there waiting,,,,,when you awaken Sincerely, Billdaddy

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