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Mahlon Grube

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2009 Darwin Awards
3/18/2009 3:03:56 PM
Yes, it's again that magical time of the year when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.

Here is the glorious Winner:

1.  When his 38 - caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long  Beach, California , would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder.  He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again.  This time it  worked.

And now, the Honorable Mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and submitted a claim to his insurance company.  The  company, expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself.  He tried the machine and he also lost a finger.  The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour  to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space.....  understandably, he shot  her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped.  Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride.  He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.  The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train.  When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was  simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change.  When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided.  The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter.  The total  amount of cash he got from the drawer: $15.  (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly.  He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run.  So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window.  The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious.  The liquor store window was made of Plexiglass.  The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran.  The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.  Within minutes, the police apprehended the purse snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store.  The thief  was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID.  To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her.  That's the lady I stole  the purse from."

9. The Ann  Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash.  The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open  the cash register without a food order.  When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast.  The man, frustrated, walked away.


10.  When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for.  Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage.  A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake.  The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
God Bless You, Mahlon Grube I help people in MLM Succeed.
Roger Macdivitt .

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Re: 2009 Darwin Awards
3/18/2009 3:31:07 PM

Thanks Mahlon,

You gave me a great laugh.

Locally, recently here in Surrey England two young men tried to rob a jewllery shop. In broad daylight they tried unsuccessfully to break a window with a hammer.

They fled in a car that was parked nearby but somebody had noticed the registration plate. Soon the police had located and pursued the car. Finding themselves trapped at the end of a track the young men got out and ran. They then leapt into a very deep gravel extraction pond and remained there swimming around until wet and exausted they finally had to swim towards the police and arrest.



Re: 2009 Darwin Awards
3/19/2009 3:31:18 AM
Hello Mahlon,

Thank you for the much needed laugh.

God Bless

God Bless Everyone
Lia Kovacs

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Re: 2009 Darwin Awards
3/19/2009 4:36:05 AM


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