Hello Friends,
This article is one I came across in Qassia and believe it to be not only hilarious but extremely informative and maybe … maybe … very useful for unforeseen situations that may well come about in various manners, times or situations to some. You only need to travel into a town away from home and by a series of consequential hazardous misfortunes have a great story to write home about.
To your positive attitude in all circumstances.
Robert.
By Nick Radovanović
Now that the US economy is in free-fall, I thought it might be a good time to publish this intel, not just for the benefit of the investment bankers and analysts who may suddenly find themselves locked out of their Manhattan apartments, but for also for those ordinary folks on the verge of losing their homes because of the crisis in the mortgage market.
This intel is based on my own experience back in 1990, when I was homeless for about a month. Follow this guide and you will not just survive, but thrive. (I should note that in my case I was (a) single, and (b) healthy. If you are neither, you may have challenges bigger than I can provide a guide for.)
Before I start giving you some concrete tips on how to be homeless, here are two thoughts that will give you the right attitude.
The first thing to remember is, becoming homeless is not the end of the world. Quite the reverse! Day One spent on the streets is the beginning of a challenging adventure. So don't start feeling sorry for yourself, and, even worse, consoling yourself with drink or drugs. The second you start going down that road, you're finished, and you'll never get your butt off the streets.
The second thing to remember is, you are an animal. Literally - all human beings are animals highly adapted for surviving in a very tough environment, namely the savannas of Africa. Civilization and technology, as elaborate as they are, are in fact just smoke and mirrors which obscure the fact that human beings come with a complete set of survival skills not inferior to those possessed by a coyote in the wild. Becoming homeless will allow you to, probably for the first time in your life, discover some awesome and astonishing skills, written into your genes by Mother Nature, which you never knew you had.
OK, now that we have the right mental attitude, on to practicalities.
Tip 0. Hit the Streets Prepared
This tip is numbered zero because it is a tip for those of you who are about to become homeless, but haven't quite landed in the streets just yet. There are things you can do to prepare, to ensure that you will have an easier time transitioning to homelessness and surviving homelessness.
Once you are on the streets, you will desperately wish that you hadn't thrown good money after bad. So do not spend any money hanging on to useless trappings which will do you no good on the street. In other words, do not spend your last dollar trying to hang on to your home when the writing is on the wall.
It is extremely good to have cash when you're homeless. You'll need it to pay for things that are hard to get without cash, such as haircuts. So instead of paying $250 for an attorney in a last-ditch effort to keep your home, or staying at a motel and draining your savings, pocket the cash and step on to the street. If you do not have income and your savings are running out fast, it's only a matter of time before you'll land on the streets anyway. You might as well do it sooner (with some cash and prepared) than later (flat broke and in shock).
Sell or discard all your treasured belongings - do not put them in storage because you have to pay for storage, and you'll wish you hadn't. I know, I know, it's hard to part with that football you got from Uncle Ted on your 13th birthday and the matchbox from the Italian restaurant you went to on your first date, but believe me, once you're on the streets, your value system will undergo rapid changes. So get rid of your stuff, and hang on to nothing - except as much cash as possible.
Tip 1. Don't Let Them Know
Have you seen the movie Men in Black, starring Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones? Remember the basic concept behind that film, namely that aliens are on earth, but disguising themselves as humans in order to avoid detection, capture, and deportation?
Well, being homeless is sort of like that. Never let anyone find out that you're homeless! Once they're on to you, you're in trouble. You will lose access to buildings, hotels, malls, airports, and other public facilities. That access is essential for you to survive in comfort and climb your way out of the hole you landed in.
If you look like the typical homeless person - tattered clothes, shopping cart, plastic bags, dreadlocks, almost visible body odor - you will have to eke out a living as a wino or bag lady, picking through garbage, sleeping under bridges, and hanging out with other homeless people. Though I haven't tried it, I assume it isn't pleasant.
If you look like a regular human - i.e. non-homeless - you'll be amazed at the amount of creature comforts you have access to. You can stroll into the restroom of a five-star hotel, for instance, without being questioned, and avail of free soap and eau de cologne. Try doing that if you're sporting the grungy homeless look!
The key to not looking homeless is regularly washing, shaving if you are male, and wearing nice clothes. Now, contrary to what you may think, wearing nice clothes while homeless is not that hard. See Tip 4 for more.
Tip 2. Essential Belongings
The most essential belongings you will need are your two empty hands. If you are weighed down by belongings, you will have a hard time moving around. And the more belongings you have, the quicker someone will discover your identity as a homeless alien!
The only essential item you need to have on you at all times is an ID. In the post 9/11 world, an ID is essential for getting into buildings and public facilities such as libraries and airports. Plus, if the cops happen to run a check on you, a valid government ID and the lack of an arrest record will help keep you in the clear.
Of course, you will need some things, such as spare sets of clothing. But you should stash these in a safe place, instead of carrying them around with you. Can't think of a good place right away? The Lost & Found will do for starters. Just leave your jacket lying on a table in the library, then go to the Lost & Found when you need it. As long as you can describe it, you can easily retrieve it.
As you get used to life on the streets, you'll quickly discover lots of great nooks and crannies for stashing your stuff. Disused vans, hallway utility cabinets, machine rooms, vents, emergency exits - the list goes on and on.
Tip 3. Reverse Your Diurnal Cycle
Homeless people do not have a place to sleep to at night. Duh! That's why they're called homeless. Therefore, trying to sleep at night will mark you as a homeless person right away.
So don't sleep at night. Sleep during the day, by napping on benches, or in waiting rooms. As long as you don't look like a homeless person, you can sleep in the waiting lounges of banks, hospitals, bus terminals, airports and so on. Napping is normal, as long as you are dressed nicely and fairly hygienic. The security guards might start cottoning on to you if you spend three days in a row in the same place, but there is an unlimited supply of places to choose from. (If not, hitchhike to the nearest metropolis!)
Sleeping while in a seated position may be hard for you if you're not used to it, but after three straight days of walking around, you'll learn fast.
At night, walk around. You'll stay warm, and protected from rats and thieves who might otherwise take an interest in a person sleeping in a public place. There are very few public places open at night anyway.
Tip 4. Reconnaissance is Key
The city is now a jungle, and you must use your wits to locate stores of food, supplies, and amenities. If you still look like a normal person, you can do an amazing amount of recon just by asking people. You might strike up a conversation with a janitor, and discover that a suite of offices on the 6th floor is empty - a consultancy firm went out of business. Then, instead of proceeding to a dentist's office on the 8th floor - which is what you told the security guard when you signed in - you get off at the 6th floor. Very often, premises harboring disused office space are unlocked or not effectively locked. Let yourself in and you have a great place to rest.
Or you might find yourself on the 7th floor, which is occupied in entirety by a multinational corporation. In very large offices, many people do not know each other. In most cases, you won't be stopped from sauntering through, politely nodding to people you pass - and helping yourself to coffee, water, and donuts.
There is one thing you will have plenty of as a homeless person, something you probably never had enough of before, namely Time. Most of your abundant time can be spent on reconnaissance activities, i.e. checking out buildings and finding out what they have to offer. As a rule of thumb, offices are great places to forage for food, and apartment buildings are good for doing your laundry.
Of course, walking into some corporation's office, helping yourself to a frozen lunch, microwaving it, and consuming it is, technically, theft. But you won't see it that way. When you're homeless, the legal system that society has invented will make as much sense to you as it does to a feral cat.
And like a feral cat, you should ignore valuables and go for the food. Foraging for food in office freezers is one thing, grand larceny is another. Nobody is going to prosecute a homeless person for tucking into a stale frozen dinner, but if they find a missing iPhone in your pocket you'll discover the hard way that being behind bars is a whole lot worse than being homeless and penniless.
Tip 5. Work on the Exit Strategy
While you will quickly get used to it, and the initial panic will gradually give way to a sense of ease and contentment - a feeling perhaps enhanced by the fact that foraging for food is what human beings were designed for - you might not want to spend the rest of your life living by your wits. Remember to seek out opportunities and keep applying for jobs.
Out of stationery? Try asking the concierge of the nearest luxury hotel. Can't afford stamps? Not to worry! As a homeless person you are free to spend 3 hours hiking across town to hand-deliver the application letter yourself.
The best job opportunities for homeless people, though, are those that come with lodging - often just a cot in the back room - and those don't require resumes. The place to find these jobs is in China Town and other immigrant communities, where people are used to giving low-paying jobs with food and lodging to people who are starting from zero. Don't worry: of course they'll consider you. Remember, you look nice and presentable, right?
Final Advice
Being homeless will draw out your survival instincts like never before. You will benefit from an immense amount of physical exercise, and feel great. Be sure to let that show - a relaxed and happy person will easily gain access to more communal resources than a morose, harrowed soul. My experience of homelessness was challenging, and overcoming those challenges was immediately rewarding and uplifting. I discovered skills I never knew I had, and I gained tremendous confidence in myself, which I never lost. This confidence has given me great strength in the years since.
P.S. Contributor's Note
Hey fellow Qassians. If you think this article might help some folks out there, then please submit it to Digg and the other sites. Let's make it go viral! Thanks.