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Marion Tucker

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A Child's Book Report On The Entire Bible (6/8/2008)
6/7/2008 11:06:51 PM
A child was told to write a book report on the entire Bible. This is
amazing.  I wonder how often we take for granted that children
understand what we are teaching?

Through the eyes of a child: Children's Bible in a Nutshell

In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but
God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one,
but I think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, 'Give me
a light!' and someone did. Then God made the world.

He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they
weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet. Adam and
Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the
Garden of Eden. Not sure what they were driven in though, because they
didn't have cars.

Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was
Abel. Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for
Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.

One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one
of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his
family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him,
but they said they would have to take a rain check.

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than
his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for
some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud
sports coat.
Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton
Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil
Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues
included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable. God fed the Israel
Lights every day with manicotti.
Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include don't lie,
cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff. Oh, yeah, I just
thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.

One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use
spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on
the town.
After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a
slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very
wise to me.
After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these
was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed upon the
shore. There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't
have to worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of the
New Testament. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been
born in a barn, too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the
door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say yes.)
During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the
Pharisees and the Republicans. Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst
one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible
vegetable after him.

Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some
Germans on the Mount. But the Republicans and all those guys put Jesus
on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He
just washed his hands instead.

Any way's, Jesus died for our sins then came back to life again. He went
up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is
foretold in the book of Revolution.


God Bless & Have A Great Sunday!
Marion :-)


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Re: A Child's Book Report On The Entire Bible (6/8/2008)
6/7/2008 11:17:44 PM

This child has a great future as a stand up comic.  He should be on America's got Talent?  It is an awful show as was our UK version but that is because there are too many of them on TV now.

 

Many thanks for showing this to everyone.  It made me laugh so much.

 

Steve.

Hi (First Name), We have just launched our new website businesses with expert help from our successful entrepreneur mentors. It is for anyone who is looking for ways to improve their incomes. For full details, go to http://www.RecessionBustingIncome http://www.HowToImproveRelationships.com http://www.Cash4FreeLife.com
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Phillip Black

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Re: A Child's Book Report On The Entire Bible (6/8/2008)
6/8/2008 12:13:43 AM

Hi Marion,

Thanks for the Smiles.  I've heard this before, but it ever fails to make me laugh.  Especially when the Israel Lights were fed with Mancotti everyday.

Here's a little something I thought you might like...

Children's Letters To God

Dear GOD,
In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation? -Jane

Dear GOD,
I read the Bible. What does 'begat' mean? Nobody will tell me. Love, Alison

Dear GOD,
Are you really invisible or is that just a trick? -Lucy

Dear GOD,
Is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house? -Anita

Dear GOD,
Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident? -Norma

Dear GOD,
Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't You just keep the ones You have now? -Jane

Dear GOD,
Who draws the lines around the countries? -Nan

Dear GOD,
I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay? -Neil

Dear GOD,
What does it mean You are a Jealous God? I thought You had everything. -Jane

Dear GOD,
Did you really mean "do unto others as they do unto you"? Because if you did, then I'm going to fix my brother. -Darla

Dear GOD,
Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy. -Joyce

Dear GOD,
It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about You that people are not supposed to say, but I hope You will not hurt him anyway.
Your friend
(But I am not going to tell you who I am)

Dear GOD,
Why is Sunday school on Sunday? I thought it was supposed to be our day of rest. -Tom L.

Dear GOD,
Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before, You can look it up. -Bruce

Dear GOD,
If You give me a genie lamp like Aladin, I will give you anything you want, except my money or my chess set. -Raphael

Dear GOD,
My brother is a rat. You should give him a tail. Ha ha. -Danny

Dear GOD,
Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother. -Larry

Dear GOD,
I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big but not with so much hair all over. -Sam

Dear GOD,
You don't have to worry about me. I always look both ways. -Dean

Dear GOD,
I think the stapler is one of your greatest inventions. -Ruth M.

Dear GOD,
I think about You sometimes even when I'm not praying. -Elliott

Dear GOD,
I bet it is very hard for You to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it. -Nan

Dear GOD,
Of all the people who work for You I like Noah and David the best. -Rob

Dear GOD,
My brother told me about being born but it doesn't sound right. They're just kidding, aren't they? -Marsha

Dear GOD,
If You watch me in church Sunday, I'll show You my new shoes. -Mickey D.

Dear GOD,
I would like to live 900 years like the guy in the Bible. Love, Chris

Dear GOD,
We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday school they said You did it. So I bet he stoled your idea.
Sincerely, Donna

Dear GOD:
The bad people laughed at Noah - "You made an ark on dry land you fool." But he was smart, he stuck with You. That's what I would do. -Eddie

Dear GOD,
I do not think anybody could be a better GOD. Well, I just want You to know but I am not just saying that because You are GOD already. -Charles

Dear GOD,
I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset you made on Tuesday. That was cool! -Eugene

Have A Blessed Week,

Phil



“There may be trouble all around, but I am calling you to a place of peace. Be still and know that I am God. Come to Me, and I will give you wisdom, strength, and grace for everything you face." Psalm 46:10
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Geketa Holman

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Re: A Child's Book Report On The Entire Bible (6/8/2008)
6/8/2008 10:20:23 AM
Hi Marion,

I haven't visited your forum in a while now forgive me please! This was great I loved it. Kids always seem to have such a different perspective than do adults. How refreshing thanks for sharing it .

Hi Phil,

Those were too funny thanks my FRIEND for the great laugh! HUGS

BLessings,

Geketa

Hear, O Israel the L-rd our G-d,the L-rd is one http://www.DHGBoutique.com
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Nick Sym

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Re: A Child's Book Report On The Entire Bible (6/8/2008)
6/8/2008 4:53:36 PM
Hello Dear Marion !

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