Tom thanks for listening.

What I did learn from this experience - it OK to be angry and tell the Lord I am
angry and rant and rave, about my situation.  He has broad shoulders and can
take it and I am not getting angry with someone else that could misconstrue my
anger and I inadvertently hurt them in the process of expressing that anger. 

Even in anger, He knows my heart and is listening to this more than my words at
that time. God looks at the heart - (Samual somewhere).. I was frightened, in pain
and I needed an outlet and a good cry.  Who better than have Jesus wipe away
my tears after a good rant and bawl! *grin*

I can remember when James was angry and he was ranting and raving and letting
off steam outside with the Lord.  It made me scared as James was 'dishing it out
to God'  wow this is huge and way out there from my comfort zone. I use to keep my anger in check when I was talking to the Lord and was not being 'real' with Him.

It was like I did not really feel comfortable and even though I had been told He
would not 'zap me' and throw me out of His family - there was something that 'I
just was not quite there with Him'.  I think many of us have been in similar situations that God is up there and we are down here and finding that balance, that we can actually be open and honest and tell Him everything that is going on in our lives. 
He knows anyway but we still need to take that leap of faith and tell him.

What I found with many christians - they do not share their struggles, disappointments, and everyday hard walk with the Lord.  They talk like they have
it all right so it has intimidated me up to a point that because our personal walk
is a struggle we are doing something wrong and we are not in the Lords Will.

I am thankful that when I accepted the Lord I was baptised shortly after in the Holy Spirit and I had such a hunger for the Word.  For 2 whole weeks I read the bible
cover to cover, word for word.  Only the basics in my home got done in those two weeks. I needed to 'hide the Word in my heart'  even thought I fully admit I do not remember exact scripture verses and chapters I basically know where they are. 
I did a 3 year foundation study (the study was only about 6 weeks if you did it on
your own, we did it in a group and stopped often to talk about parts of each weeks study and pray because it often brought up past hurts, understanding, forgiving etc that needed addressing in prayer)  This was invaluable and I was able to plant
my feet on the foundation stone of Jesus.

James has been a good match for me because He understands and see things
differently to me and I from James that we can share and talk about and learn from
each other. 

You have my email address, please feel free to send along scripture, I would like
this thanks.

I just realized, I have started Thanksgiving early.. *grin*

Amanda